i can feel everything all at once.
its in my ears, in my eye cavities. i cannot see. i do not have eyes. i have black string twisting and twisting pulling out the guts. i rub hot coal into my empty eye sockets. burn. i feel dead. but i feel alive when im with you. am i a ghost? am i just pretending? am i really happy? or is this just another fascade? there are fish swimming through the place where my chest is supposed to be. they stab me as they swim through. i love fish, so why does it hurt me so greatly? why cant i live without myself hurting myself?
please LEAVE me alone...im tired. i beg of you, ivy
one bad thing happens and my entire day is ruined. i am the opposite of resiliant. i am NOT strong, nor brave. i am a coward. i avoid everything. i cheat my way through my life. i talk about my mental health and trauma as if its a joke. why do i do that? theres something so irreversably wrong with me. i dont understand how anyone could stand being near the stench of my lies and dishonesty. i believed i was a good person but now im not sure i was meant to be. i want to be good. but the thorns have wrapped around my limbs once again. they pull me. i can feel my arms began to stretch in to different directions. the thorns dig and scrape as they pull. i probably look pretty like this. how messed up is that? i like to hurt. im so fucking fucked up.
ive been doing very good in school recently! the only thing is that coding is starting to take up a lot of my time and its becoming a bit too much...i might need a break. i love yall!!!!
eyeliner boy and i are dating omg... he took me on a date and he met my parents and we went for a romantic night walk and held hands!! he said he loved me(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡
i made friends with a senior who wears eyeliner. hes rly cute...ive been making more friends at school n i look foward to seeing him hehe. i failed my permit test btw. im about to turn 16!
bro im never getting a boyfriend.
im so needy and annoying and i ruin everything...i want to change.
